Journey Through Illness

January 17, 2014

Mornings.

Filed under: Uncategorized — FrancesC @ 2:44 pm

Mornings are the toughest.  It takes a lot of energy to push through the dark cloud that hangs overhead.  Typically, I procrastinate, then rush to get out the door, looking disheveled.  I used to iron.  I don’t care.  I used to wash and dry my hair.  Now I gather it atop my head, and boom, I’m out the door. The days I do make a slight effort, I find it isn’t worth it.  No one cares one way or another.  I know I don’t.   I’m moving into middle age, and disappearing.  Sometimes a small voice begins to get angry about this, but it’s not worth fighting about.

I can’t find my makeup in my “dressing room” cause my clothes lay in piles on the floor along with bills, boxes, papers, etc..  Don’t get me wrong, I’m no “hoarder”, but I do have a couple rooms upstairs now that I just “shut the door”, cause it’s easier than looking at the mess.  When the weekends come, I make plans in my head, “to-do” lists:  clean, wash, iron, etc..

Oh look at the time!  I have a full day ahead of being “on” in the world.  God give me serenity, courage, wisdom, and grace, no tantrums, and peace of mind.  If I can make it today, I’ll have the weekend to relax.  Why the f&^% did I “make plans”?  Why? Why?  I thought it would be good not to isolate.  Isolation or Relaxation?  Anytime I don’t have to be “on” is better than faking it.

Here we go.

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